What is it the time for now?

"Happiness is not a brilliant climax to years of grim struggle and anxiety. It is a long succession of little decisions simply to be happy in the moment.” - J. Donald Walters
A colleague with divinity background once told me that this is one of his favorite questions for reflection: What is it the time for now?

As I think back on how I spent so much of my time over the last two years and how different that is from how I am currently spending it, the question keeps coming up. It's certainly coming up with regard to my physical activities - as I get lapped in the pool and watch others do intervals in circles around me and notice the bike in my shed that hasn't been ridden since November 1 and cheer for my friends as triathlon season begins.

More importantly, it's coming up as I think about this time in my life, my pregnancy, and the choices that brought to me to where I am today. I realized last week that I could not have done this even one year earlier. I wasn't ready physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally. For me, THIS is the time - the perfect time - to journey into parenthood. And while that means it's not the time for those other things, I know that it will be again someday. Instead now is the time to notice the process and not focus on the goal; now is the time to remember breath and form; now is the time to celebrate the pleasures of being outside and not worry about the clock.

Simply being -- instead of always doing.

Getting to Know You

"Children don’t belong to us…They are little strangers who arrive in our lives and give us pleasure and duty of caring for them – but we don’t own them. We help them become who they are." – Ruth Nuneviller Steinem

Nineteen weeks ago we did our first half-iron triathlon.

You: a collection of cells looking for a place to hunker down.

Me: a 30-year old woman no longer searching; instead, creating her life, fulfilling a goal, not knowing that you were there.

We crossed that finish line and instantly a new adventure began. Two weeks later, the test said YES and everything changed.

Now, I find it so difficult to find the words. Obviously, clichés exist for a reason. It’s so clearly no longer just about me. You are making this known in every way:

Physically- my body’s changing shape, the reality of new physical limitations, feeling your light, tapping (especially when it’s time for dessert).

Emotionally – new, less tangible goals, no coach to tell me what to do and how to do it.

Spiritually – a connection to so many who have walked this path before me.

Now, half-way to the day you’ll join us here, I finally believe that you are real and my excitement becomes more palpable every day. Now, I wonder who you will become and how we will factor in to that becoming.

How do we nurture our daughter’s developing soul life? We must allow her to grow in her natural ways, being open to her wildness, her quirks, her inklings toward her destiny. We must teach her to sing; tell her the old myths and stories; let her howl in the moonlight, or whatever behavior nurtures her unique nature. Our daughter’s soul development requires us to defend her right to go her own way. - Raising a Daughter: Parents and the Awakening of a Healthy Woman, Jeanne Elium & Don Elium