20 Months: Please, Thank-You, Mine!

"Good manners have much to do with the emotions. To make them ring true, one must feel them, not merely exhibit them.” - Amy Vanderbilt



Fun with bubbles at the monthly Trinity Park Neighborhood Association playdate



Fiona is now 20 months old! (Internal Mommy Note:  How can we possibly be this close to a 2-year old.  Shocking, this growing-up thing is -- just shocking.)  This month she's been practicing her manners and has become quite adept at using "please" and "thank you" -- although I sometimes suspect she's using them purely to get what she wants and not necessarily to express profound gratitude.  She's clever, this one. Fiona has also been very interested in sorting out the people and things in her world.  All grown-ups are currently either mommies or daddies - and every grown-up is fascinating.   And while sharing is something she occasionally engages in, she clearly knows what is "mine."  (Pause for this toddle parent to take a deep breath.)

Even amid the deep breathing, I have to say that I am so, so enjoying this age.  Fiona is simply an enormous amount of fun.  Yes, sometimes parenting a toddler is a new kind of physically and emotionally exhausting - as everyday we're challenged with how to intentionally parent in a way that will help our child be kind and have boundaries, be curious and be safe, be persistent and know when to ask for help - but overall, the word of this month is fun.  Pure fun.


The month started with some still cool weather.  We bundled up and enjoyed hiking at the Eno River State Park




Wait for me, Daddy!



March quickly became warm enough for us to enjoy lots of time outside, including this first al fresco dinner of the season.



Fiona finally able to enjoy the sand and water table Grandma & Grandpa Fehrman gave her for Christmas.



We enjoyed participating in the Marry Durham festivities - a festival celebrating our city.  Fiona enjoyed making a head-dress at the kiddie craft station.



We hosted a Spring Equinox cookout for 30 friends and ALL of our children.  Amid all of the fun, the only picture I captured was of these carrot cake cupcakes I made for the party.  Delicious, if I do say so myself!

The month ended with a brief return to cold, rainy weather, which meant lots of time indoors -- and plenty of opportunities for Fiona to maul her poor Mommy.

Snow Days

"Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me.” - Carl Sandburg

With three snow/ ice events already under our belts here in central North Carolina, we're learning to expect the unexpected!  This week, we enjoyed two and a half snow days -- somewhat tricky given the working parent / closed -preschool shuffle, but ultimately wonderful gifts of extra playtime with our girl. 

Planning snow day activities for a young toddler requires a bit of creativity!  This week we cooked together (we loved these yummy, healthy oatmeal cranberry cookies -- and Fi did a GREAT job standing on a chair next me, monitoring her spice jar & measuring cup!), visited our favorite museum's sanity-saving indoor playground (a Daddy-Daughter date while I attempted to get some work done), created lots of art, and eventually ventured outside:


Little Picasso

Showing Daddy what we made while perfecting her detached, artist look

Family Love



Decided to turn Fiona's obsession with babies into a snow day collage...which she promptly ripped to shreds two minutes after completing it!



After a long, icy walk through our neighborhood, Fiona ran around on our deck (the only place not covered in ice!) and found immense joy in playing with an old salad greens container.  Simple pleasures.

Christmas 2010

“Happiness is not a brilliant climax to years of grim struggle and anxiety. It is a long succession of little decisions simply to be happy in the moment.”  - J. Donald Walker

Christmas 2010 was filled with family, food, and fun!  We loved every moment of this season.

Prior to December 25, we traveled to South Carolina for a mid-December Christmas with the Fehrman family. Fiona quickly learned how this present thing works and enjoyed opening her presents, Mommy's presents, and Daddy's presents. We know that she will love the the sand and water table that Grandma and Grandpa F got for her -- as soon as it's warm enough for her to actually use it!

Fiona excited about Christmas morning #1

Meeting her new stuffed black bear from Grandma & Grandpa F.

Playing Santa while enjoying her grocery cart.



Christmas weekend, we enjoyed our first Christmas in Durham (hooray!) and hosted the Schryer family.

Fi's Christmas dress was wonderful find from our favorite kids consignment shop: The Red Hen

On the afternoon of Christmas Eve, we went to the Children's Service at Duke Chapel. This lively, festive 3pm service is truly designed around kids and will certainly be a new tradition for our family.   Fiona loved her special Christmas dress (even if she did have to wear her usual Stride Right shoes with it because her frugal parents refuse to buy dress shoes that she'll wear once), dancing in the aisle to the sound of singing voices, and making her way through the children's bell-ringing processional with Gramougie.

Following the service, we enjoyed a tummy-warming Christmas Eve dinner of homemade butternut squash soup (HIGHLY recommend The Joy of Cooking's version!), traditional fondue, delicious salad, Holiday Cranberry Rum Cocktails, and the wonderful results of Aunty Holly's Christmas cookie-baking marathon.  Fiona went to bed with the sounds of Grandma F's recorded voice reading her The Night Before Christmas...

....and then Santa came!

Fiona loved the Cozy Coupe that Grandma and Grandpa S helped Santa bring.  From the moment she saw it on Christmas morning, she knew just what to do.

Christmas Day was filled with delicious food.  For breakfast,we enjoyed Marmalade French Toast Casserole, Vegetable Cheddar Strata, and mixed fruit salad with vanilla yogurt and lime dressing. Dinner was a delightful feast, which we all helped prepare:

Dill Shrimp (a Schryer tradition that I can remember eating every Christmas!)

French Onion Soup Stuffed Mushrooms

Gingered Pear and Brandy Cocktails

Sea Scallops with Shitake Mushroom and Champagne Sauce

Truffled Lobster Risotto

Citrus, Red Onion, and Pomegranate Salad

Beef Tenderloin with Duxelles (for the meat eaters in our family)

White Chocolate Tiramisu Trifle with Spiced Pears

Cranberry Upside Down Cake

By the end of dinner, a White Christmas was upon us - and by Sunday morning, the ground was covered in more than 4 inches of beautiful snow.  We took advantage of this rare opportunity to take Fiona on her first sled ride.

I would not change a thing about celebrating this most meaningful of holidays throughout the last month. We started a few new traditions, we stayed in the moment and on budget, we helped others, we enjoyed family, we rested, we sent letters to friends, we sang carols and decorated our house, we cooked amazing food, and *we*(meaning I) didn't stress (at least not as much as I have in the past!). Amen.

16 Months: Yes and No

"Wise men (and little girls!) speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” - Plato

Our girl is now 16 months old -- and learning to communicate NO has been this month's most significant change.  She's not actually saying "no" yet (although she is saying lots of other things!), but she sure knows how to shake her head to let Mom & Dad know when she does not want something!

This month we enjoyed celebrating Fiona's 2nd Thanksgiving with friends and both sides of our  family -- although, in my heart it's her first holiday season.  Last year at this time, we were the brand new parents of a 4 month old.  I was back working full-time, still getting up once or twice in the night for feedings, and almost too sleep deprived to function.  Given all of that, I feel a bit like I missed Thanksgiving and Christmas of 2009.  Instead of being sad about that, I'm simply celebrating with gusto this year and considering it our first set of holidays as a (fully-functioning!) family. 

While celebrating turkey day with Ryan's side of the family, Grandma F and I took Fiona to the Children's Museum of the Upstate.  Fiona particularly loved the Toddler Lily Pad.

Watch out Mom!

I'm about to get ALL wet!

After Greenville, SC, we continued to give thanks by gathering with my side of the family in Winston-Salem, NC.  We cooked  a slew of gourmet side dishes and then saved ourselves by ordering a Bojangles turkey.  Yes, that's right...a turkey from a fast foot restaurant.  I, too, was a skeptic at first, but my sister had scoured the Internet finding a myriad of positive reviews.  I now can say that Bojangles might just be a new family tradition.  It was amazingly delicious.  And as a member of our quasi-vegetarian family, Fiona certainly enjoyed her first tastes of turkey!

Other notes from this month:

• Fiona now has 2 molars - with a 3rd about to be here any day!  There have been some long nights for this poor teething girl -- and her parents!
• She is now successfully feeding herself with a spoon and is beginning adventures in fork-dom.  Sometimees the food actually makes it to her mouth!
• Fi seems to have developed a completely new level of empathy for those around her.  While she was in the kitchen, I accidentally cut my thumb cooking dinner a few weeks ago.  Fiona became visibly upset, made the sign for "hurt", and still continues to want to check on my boo boo on a regular basis.
• Our little girl also had her 15-month well-child check this month.  Over the last 12 weeks, she grew 3 inches and gained 3 pounds!!  She's now in the 90th percentile for height and 85th for weight.  Tar Heel b-ball superstar in the making?  Oh yes! At least if her Dad has any say in the matter.

Embracing Fun

" Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”
- Anthony Robbins


Ryan and Fiona on a typical weekend morning in the Fehrman household.



Weekends with the Fehrman are all about embracing fun.  As full-time working parents with important, meaningful, and often stressful jobs, we live for Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday -- and strive to be intentional in making the most of these special days together.  Food, play, and outside time usually play a central role and this past weekend was no different.

Friday night Indian takeout was followed by a Saturday morning hike at the Eno River State Park and a long afternoon of playing at Trinity Park.

Gorgeous morning for a 4-mile family hike along the Cox Mountain trail

Saturday evening gourmet grill-out was followed by Sunday morning playtime at Duke Gardens.

Flying with Daddy

Learning to climb Magnolia trees

And the weekend came to a close with the Trinity Park Neighborhood Association Food Truck Rodeo!


5 Years

On October 29, Ryan and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary.  Now more than ever, I am grateful for this amazing partner in life. My brother-in-law read this selection from Kahlil Gabran's The Prophet at our wedding and it remains such powerful guidance for our marriage.

You were born together,

and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when the white wings

of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the

silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love.

Let it rather be a moving sea between

the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous,

but let each of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone

though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together.

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress

grow not in each other's shadow.

We celebrated with the perfect at-home date night that included this fabulous menu:

• Sea Scallops with Champagne & Shitake Mushroom Sauce
• Spinach & Sweet Potato Salad with Warm (veggie!) Bacon Dressing
• Rosemary Garlic Bread
• Tiramisu Cake from Mad Hatter's Bake Shop

Weekend Update: Keeping it Local

“The fight to save family farms isn't just about farmers. It's about making sure that there is a safe and healthy food supply for all of us. It's about jobs, from Main Street to Wall Street. It's about a better America.” - Willie Nelson

This weekend we were surrounded by summer's bounty: eggplants and peppers and zucchini, oh my!

Early Saturday morning, Fiona and I were some of the first visitors to the Durham Farmer's Market.  We left Ryan at home to tame the yard before the heat of the day set in, and we enjoyed picking out veggies for this week's meals.

We'll be using these for roasted tomatoes, shrimp, & feta with angel hair pasta.

Saturday afternoon, the three of us ventured to our neighborhood's newest attraction: Fullsteam Brewery.  Fullsteam prides itself on "plow to pint" beer - all made with seasonal, local, organic ingredients.  We enjoyed the Summer Basil Farmhouse Ale, and Fiona enjoyed the bar's heavy supply of goldfish crackers.  Pretty sure, those are far from local....

Notice the deft mommy maneuver: beer & pacifier in one hand.

Fi was enthralled with the juke box and quite uninterested in sitting still for pictures.

Sunday afternoon, we headed to Raleigh for a local foods cookout with our friends Les, Nicole, & Evan in support of The Beehive Collective: a group, primarily made up of young Raleigh women, that is pooling their collective talents and resources to organize fun projects that raise meaningful amounts of money for the causes they care about.  Last year, they gave away more than $23,000 to two organizations working to increase economic security.  This year, they are hoping to raise at least $20,000 to support nonprofit organizations working on sustainable food issues.

Our family still has a long way to go in ensuring that our values are aligned with how we eat - as our huge weekly bill at Super Target will attest - but it felt great to take a few small steps in that direction this weekend.

Weekend Update: Simple Pleasures of Everyday Life

"Simple pleasures are always the last refuge of the complex. " - Oscar Wilde

The simple pleasures of everyday life filled our past weekend.

Friday night we enjoyed dinner and margaritas (Fi stuck to milk in a sippy cup) at our favorite cheap Mexican restaurant. We dined on the patio next to another couple and their 3-year old daughter Naomi. Fiona and Naomi immediately connected in that way that all little kids seem to do: I know you! You are my species! Let me stare at you and touch your face and pull your hair! Similarly, we quickly got to chatting with her parents: the pros and cons of various neighborhood parks, our kids matching farmer’s market t-shirts, sleeping.

Throughout this first year of parenthood, I’ve learned that having a child is a golden ticket into this secret club I never before knew existed. Immediately, I can connect with any parent, anywhere, anytime.

As has become our regular habit, we started Saturday morning with a walk to the Durham Farmer’s Market. Fiona’s first trip to the farmer’s market was at 2 weeks old. We enjoy the exercise and planning menus around whatever looks yummy - and Fiona loves the colors, other kids, and attention from strangers. This week’s bounty: zucchini for muffins later this week, tomatoes and fresh multi-grain bread for summer sandwiches & blueberries, just because.

After the market, we continued our urban hike through downtown with a stop for brunch at Parker & Otis before heading home. Later that afternoon we traveled to Raleigh to celebrate our friend Thomas Tripp’s first birthday – and to toast his parents Lora & Andrew on their successful first year as parents!

One of our goals for the weekend had been to keep Fiona entertained and engaged enough each day to stay awake until 11:30 am. Because she’s a few weeks away from transitioning to the toddler room at her school, we’ve been experimenting with one nap a day. Once again, just when I feel like we get something down – bottles, solid food, finger food – it changes!  Saturday, the experiment was a grand success: Fiona was a happy, happy girl all morning, napped for 2.5 hours midday, and was the bell of the ball at our afternoon party. Sunday, not so much: Short midday nap meant that girlfriend spent some time in meltdown city and ended up going back down later in the day.

Sunday morning, I enjoyed a blissful solo 5- mile run in unseasonably cool weather at Duke’s cross-country course and then spent much of the rest of the day in life maintenance mode: groceries, cleaning, and – the latest – childproofing every corner of our house.

Let me out of this cage Mom!

The best parts of the day (other, of course, than the deep Type A satisfaction I felt after dropping off a huge load of clutter at Goodwill!), were my afternoon walk with Fiona around the neighborhood and dinner on the porch with Ryan by candlelight to close out the weekend.

Ryan's "Deconstructed Tuna & Avocado Roll"

It’s Monday evening as I write this, and I’ve spent the day at Duke’s Center for Living having minor surgery to remove  basal cell carcinoma from forehead. After spending the day amid clinics and insurance and prescriptions and pain medication and  forms and stitches and waiting and ever-present fluorescent lights, I’m grateful that this isn’t the stuff of my everyday life. 

Instead, it's filled with simple pleasures like this:

Fiona's First Birthday

Last Saturday we celebrated Fiona’s first birthday with a lunchtime party at our neighborhood park. Thirty friends, family, and kids joined us for the soiree themed around The Very Hungry Caterpillar – one of Fi’s favorite books.

Despite the temperature hovering near 100 degrees and humidity nearly as high, a fun, festive time was had by all – including the birthday girl herself, despite what the above picture might portray!

The homemade menu included food Fiona loves, including:

• Tortellini and Grilled Vegetable Salad with Feta and Balsamic Dressing

• Summer Berry Kabobs

• White Bean Dip with Mixed Veggies and Pita

• Carrot Cake Mini Cupcakes with green & red cream cheese frosting – and shaped like a caterpillar, of course!

In lieu of gifts for Fiona, we asked party guests to bring new school supplies for the kids living at Genesis Home, a shelter for homeless families in downtown Durham where Ryan serves as Executive Director. As new parents, we talk a lot about how to live our values and pass them on to our daughter. For us, this donation strategy is a great way to lay that foundation for Fiona - and to inspire other kids and parents at the party. In fact, several of our friends commented how moved they felt as they shopped and thought about what it must be like to be child starting a new school year without the supplies he or she needs. Thanks to the generosity at Fi’s party, the kids at Genesis Home will have one less thing to worry about this fall.

On the morning of Fi’s actual birthday, we greeted her by singing happy birthday and had a Happy Birthday banner hanging above her high chair in the kitchen. She opened a few presents - including a new push cart / walking toy.

After presents, we set out for a special, pre-work & daycare family breakfast at Elmo’s, a favorite neighborhood restaurant. I love the idea of having some special tradition for our kids on their actual birthdays – maybe hanging the birthday banner and going out to breakfast will be ours!

I’m so grateful for this amazing last year and for the opportunity to be this special gal’s mom. She inspires me to be more joyful, more fun, more appreciative of every tiny moment.